Tag: onewildjourney

The Journey

Sacred Time With Sharks

by The SauvagesseLeave a Comment on Sacred Time With Sharks
Caribbean Sunrise No. 365
Photo shot on my one year anniversary in Belize, C.A.
©️The Sauvagesse Photography

It is 8:30 CST. The sun glistens off the water. The dock is bustling with people. I grab my BCD, regulator, mask, and fins, and begin to set up my dive equipment.

It’s a short trip to the dive site. Once we get there, I don my equipment and am the first one in the water. I signal that I’m okay and begin to descend.

For the next few minutes it’s only me and the fishes. I love this short span of time. While I know people are preparing to drop in, I have a moment to imagine myself alone in the vastness of the ocean. In those moments it is just me and my breath. It’s quiet, save for the bubbles rising past my ears. Suspended between the surface and the ocean floor, I find myself in a place of total peace.

In the mountains of Colorado, my connection to nature is very different. I am frequently able to talk with the Red Tail hawks, animals who have become my connection to the realm of Spirit. In Belize, I’ve struggled to find that connection. There are birds, lizards, and bats that will hang around my place, but it has been hard to develop a connection with them. My energy has been irregular and I don’t seem to have the same ability to call on animal guides as I once did. Or, so I thought!

From the moment I started diving, I’ve noticed an increasing bond with nurse and reef sharks. What used to be a primal fear, has turned into a loving and respectful communion with these majestic creatures. Just the other day, I had two nurse sharks swim with me for a quarter of my dive. They stuck close, sometimes swimming behind me. But, usually, they could be found gliding effortlessly a meter or so below me.

Trigger Warning: I realize there will be folks who read this next section from a place of strong internal belief and moral righteousness. Though we may not come from the same school of thought, I respect your right to have your opinion. If making contact (touching or handling wild animals) bothers or triggers you, please skip the next section.

Connecting

One of the most profound experiences I get to have, on a regular basis, is petting these creatures of the deep. They will often come up close and I am able to run my hand along their back as they swim along. Their skin is rough, like running your hand over a piece of taught leather emblazoned with thousands of tiny rhinestones.

Ever vigilant and respectful of their body language, my touch never seems to disturb them. If they do not abide contact, they will not come close, or let me get within an arm’s length. Beyond that, they seem to be either ambivalent, or welcoming of contact. It is a spiritual experience to make this type of contact, one that I am always grateful for, and respectful of.

Communion with these graceful beings doesn’t stop there. About a month ago, I decided to lay face down in one of the sandy pockets of the finger canyons, about 18 meters (60 ft) below the surface. Moments later, a seven (7) foot nurse shark swam up and rested beside me! I was completely unaware, until I eased up to continue along with the group, and disturbed her in the process. I begged her pardon, as best as one who is non-verbal could do, she adjusted her position only slightly, I took off careful not to create too much turbulence with my fins, and she continued her rest cycle.

A situation like this happened to me, again, just the other day! As before, I eased into a prone position on the sandy bottom, searching through the sand for abandoned shells. Moments later, another nurse shark eased in beside me and positioned herself about two feet away. I took the moment to thank her for gracing me with her presence and she stirred a bit, trying to get in a comfortable spot. When I noticed the dive group starting to move from the area, I thanked her again, increased my buoyancy with an inhale, and started to ascend. This time she didn’t move, and I hated to have the experience end. Exhaling, I descended back toward her for a few more loving taps. This time, she let me pat her just above and behind her pectoral fin. The contact was SUBLIME! Afterward, I said my goodbyes and rejoined the group, easily making this one of my top 100 moments…so far!

Lunch Time!
Effortlessly gliding through the water, a nurse shark hunts for conch.
©️The Sauvagesse Photography

Encounter. Not “Attack”.

I’ve read articles that indicate most recorded shark “attacks” have been by nurse sharks. It would stand to reason, because they are, in general, so docile. The way we react/relate to this nature is often what gets us humans into trouble. We tend to mistake docility for consent, forgetting that neither are related. Most people who have been bitten by nurse sharks have a few things in common:

  • They are too aggressive in their contact, resulting in a defensive bite. Examples:
    • Grabbing a shark by the tail and holding on as the shark struggles to get away.
    • Handling juveniles (just don’t, unless you have experience).
    • Pushing boundaries. Yep, all creatures have them. It’s our job to recognize them.
  • They are in a position to be mistaken for food. Examples:
    • Swimming/getting too close to a shiver that is being fed.
    • Placing appendages (hands or feet) near the nibble bits.
    • Spear fishing and unaware the shark is coming for the catch.

I postulate that it all boils down to our own ineptitude, lack of situational awareness, and absence of respect. I would also like to change the narrative from “being attacked”, to “having an encounter”. Sharks will rarely attack, unless provoked.

Overcoming the Fear

I can recall my first trip to the Bahamas, circa 2002. It was my first time experiencing crystal clear, turquoise waters. My ex had chartered a 113 foot Broward Yacht, and we found ourselves birthed in Eleuthera. I decided to take a swim off the back of the yacht, but before I jumped in, I looked down and saw a mass of black creatures at the bottom. “Oh, those are just nurse sharks”, one of the ship mates exclaimed. “SHARKS!!! Oh, hell no”, I thought.

I’ll save the rest of that story for another time. However, fast forward twenty years, and I’ve come to realize what an irrational fear I had back then.

With each dive, my connection to the creatures of the deep strengthens and my fear dissolves. Every time I call on their energy, they appear. On the days I don’t get to visit with my new animal friends, I experience a slight feeling of melancholy.

If you would have told me, a decade ago, that sharks would show up as my spiritual connection to the deep, I would have let out a nervous laugh and called you crazy. I would have told you that I had more of a spiritual connection with turtles, dolphins, or whales. Certainly, I would not be touching or communicating with such fearsome beasts as sharks!

Isn’t it ironic – my greatest fear of the ocean has shown up to be my greatest kindred of our underwater world? Funny how that works!

Tanks for the memories!
All of the SCUBA tanks lined up and ready to go.
Until next time…🦈🇧🇿
©️The Sauvagesse Photography

The Journey

A Year in Belize

by The SauvagesseLeave a Comment on A Year in Belize

Today marks my 365th day in Belize! 🇧🇿

Last year, I left Colorado…my home…my bio family…my glitter family…and my soul-puppy, to see if I could make it on my own in another country. I packed two bags filled with clothes and essentials, a backpack with my electronics, and $1500.00 USD in cash.

Nothing about this journey was etched in stone before I left. I mean, I sort-of had a job lined up at a coffee shop that was looking to re-open post lockdown. And, along with the job, I was given a temporary place to stay. However, both were tentative, and that plan quickly fell apart. Less than a month in, to be exact.

When it did unravel, I launched headlong into survival mode. For a short time I was paralyzed by fear. I had $700.00 USD cash left, no return ticket, no prospective job on the horizon, and I was about to become homeless. The fear was so bad, I recall many a night where I sat on the back step of the condo, chain-smoking at 3:00 in the morning, wondering what the hell I was going to do?

With a deep understanding that no one was going to rescue me, I started calling every contact I had. I even posted in Facebook groups, looking for a job and a new place to stay. Unfortunately, due to the little cash I had left, the job would need to come first.

As luck would have it, a week after the first job jumped ship, I was given the contact information for a man who was looking for someone to manage his coffee shop. It seemed Belize wasn’t done with me yet! As soon as I could, I made the call, and sent my resume in. A day later, the prospective employer contacted me to set up an interview.

If It Sounds Too Good To Be True…

The morning of the interview, I dressed in the most professional clothes I had, and set off to win my new position. We met at the coffee shop and spoke for a bit, then decided to take a walk. Though some of his questions seemed a bit personal, I decided I had enough power in me to deflect anything too forward.

Truly, the pitch was awesome! As it was described, I would be the manager of the cutest little coffee shop in San Pedro, making $500.00 BZD per week.* I’d have one weekend a month with three days off. AND…he excitedly talked about expanding across Central America!!! Per our discussion, once the shop in San Pedro was stabilized, I would be jaunting off to places like Nicaragua and El Salvador, to open new cafés! Everything sounded like a dream come true, and with zero alternative, I excitedly agreed to be the new manager. After all, I was desperate, and he was a good salesman.

When something seems too good to be true…for the love of all things, BELIEVE IT!

That job lasted about three months. From day one, it was an uphill battle. Unbeknownst to me, the owner never told the staff he was hiring a new manager. It came as quite a shock to all of us, the day I walked in. On top of all the chaos and drama his negligence created, few of his original promises were upheld. For three months, I worked seven days a week without time off. Many of those days were 12 – 14 hours long and chock full of all kinds of craziness.

To add insult to injury, my role as manager was never supported. I had no authority to make executive decisions and every one of my subordinates knew it. Such a setup allowed them to continue their day to day fuckery, without being held accountable. Then, when it came time to sort out their fuckery, the owner would cave and give them whatever they wanted, undermining me at every turn. Basically, it was the most toxic work environment I’ve ever worked in.

After what seemed to be a lifetime of ulcer cultivating insanity, I decided I’d had enough and finally handed in my resignation. As toxic as the environment was, and though I felt a great sense of relief; fear and desperation, once again, nipped at my heels like a pair of rabid dogs.

Third Time’s A Charm

They say the third time is a charm, and in a way my current employment is just that. A week before I handed in my resignation at the cafe, a lady (who is now my new boss) walked in, asking if I was looking for a job. I was shocked at the perfect timing of her appearance. After confirming her query, we began the new-hire dance. I interviewed. We discussed terms. I interviewed with the co-owner. We discussed further terms. And, on a warm day in June, I was hired for yet another managerial position. Fast forward eight months, and I’m still here doing the thing! More on the current job, later.

What it’s like today…

It is far from bells and whistles. If I had to find one word that summed up my entire experience thus far, it would be – adaptation. Looking back, the easiest part of this journey was my decision to launch. However, I could never have imagined how much I would need to rely on my ability to adapt, just to survive. I think it is fair to say, this experience has been one of my greatest challenges.

There are a myriad of reasons I would describe it as such, and if I had to pick the top three, they would be: financial insecurity, emotional insecurity, and self-esteem.

In regard to financial insecurity, I make just enough to cover my rent, electricity, and put a small amount of food in my belly. So, we are talking about meeting the base level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. As such, this affects my self-esteem in a big way. I don’t (currently) have any extra money to spend on things I used to define as needs, but have now come to know as luxury. Being monetarily poor has a way of messing with one’s head, leaving little self-worth behind. Combine financial insecurity and low self-esteem, and you’ve got a great recipe for emotional insecurity.

I’m not even going to get into describing the “shame-tapes” my brain plays on a regular basis. I’m not writing this to whine about my circumstances. I am however, writing to share my story, and record this moment in time – an ongoing, massive, personal achievement!

Though I find myself still struggling, I am able to say: I’m doing it! I’m doing the thing! In one year, I’ve been able to establish myself in a country unfamiliar to me. I have a job, a roof over my head, and food in my stomach. And, I’ve done all of it, on my own!**

To be honest, I don’t know where the next few months will take me. There are many things that are still uncertain. Regardless, I will always have this experience and accomplishment.

Here’s to a year in Belize! Something I never thought I’d be able to say!

Xoxo,

Vesper

* $500.00 BZD is considered a huge salary, especially just coming out of the pandemic lockdown. During this time, many Belizeans lost their jobs. For those who didn’t lose their jobs, their salary was cut – sometimes by 1/2 to 3/4.

** “On my own” doesn’t mean that I haven’t received help from family or friends. I never want to minimize the roles they’ve played in getting me here. What I mean is: I don’t have a significant other to depend on, or share the load. And, I don’t have my support dog with me, to comfort me when I’m lonely. I’m here by myself, in another world, figuring it the fuck out!